Peace out blogspot.


www.AyoBerto.tumblr.com

Ready for this weekend to end. After this quiz its weekend time and its time to celebrate Docto's Bday. I think this is kinda like the pregame to my bday haha.

Im confused about different things. Dont think what to think or say.
Im starting to have these nightmares again.. Idk what theyre trying to say or what they actually mean but whatever idk. Time will tell whats going to happen next in my crazy life.





Lifes a Bitch, now Die for Her.

Juiced about next month. December is gonna be a good way to end the very dramatic year ive had. Finally get to go on vacation with some friends and its gonna be crazy.

21 in 23 days.. counting the days already.
32 days until Vegas. Yarrrra


No Ceilings.

If she's amazing, she won't be easy. It she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worth.

Via-Tramy Quach's Facebook.

Ok ok no more mean blogs.
Thats childish and we off that.

21 next month. Juiced. Vegas Dec12th-15th. Juiced


Good things happen to those who wait.

GET OUT OF MY LIFE ALREADY.

I DONT NEED YOU.

why dont you just get out of my life already?

you constantly lie about everything just to get attention put on you. im not dealing with your bullshit anymore. keep lying and your gonna be losing your other friends like youve lost me and like i said before stop talkin shit because thats not gonna get you anywhere, but it might get you a beat down.

so just get out of my life, i dont want you even as a friend because your such a fucken drama queen. grow the fuck up.

found this on my friends blog and i thought it was pretty good.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for

– Bob Marley

i havent really been on this blog for a while now, been busy with school and whatnot.

A great lover isn’t one who romances a different girl every night. He romances the same girl, forever. - Tim Allen

Do you remember or should I rewind? To that summer when you caught my eye. The weather was hot, I tried to play it cool but you had that beauty on lock

loving someone doesnt mean finding the perfect person...its learning to see an imperfect person perfectly..

Summer

So summer has finally come to an end,
ive gone through alot this summer and it has just really made me think about all the people i have in my life that are important and the other people who arent shit to me. I had alot of fun and alot of times where it was all shitty for me. So im finally back enrolled at Chabot getting my education on again and i know im hella not used to it at all but i know its going to be worth it in the end especially when i get my financial aid and i aint even gotta pay for school =) haha

So yeah ive gone through alot this summer, like losing people in my life who i thought were important, getting heart broken and more. Atleast the important people stayed in my life and i love them for staying there with me. Especially my Blackout fam, foreal theyre the fucken best people ive met so far. Ehh so much for weak ass people and girls who break hearts. All good cuz theres always someone more important than them weak ass people. Alll goood.

"You and your whole crew like a deck of 54, its obvious you rollin with some jokers"

"So now i come to you with open arms, nothing to hide, believe what i say So here i am with open arms, hoping you'll see what your love means to me"

Outro

Done.

So tonight i realized that 90% of girls are stupid.
Most guys get attracted to those type of girls and then get no where with them. Also if you are lucky enough to find one of those girls who's in that 10%, keep them by your side and TRY not to mess it up.

Well i think that i really am going to try to take a break from girls now, they are really too much hassle nowadays and most girls are so insecure about themselves and always think about the past and how they believe that it might happen again BLAH BLAH BLAH. That's basically all just bullshit.

To the girls who actually do take chances with REAL guys and not let anyone or anything get in the way of how you feel towards someone, thank you. Don't let your past ruin your future because you never know what could happen.

This isnt a blast on anyone, just in general

Girls nowadays are so hurt and still think about their past relationships and think that that all guys are the same and they have nothing but heartbreak to offer to them Dont let the past affect your future because you dont know who can just sweep you off your feet with the right broom.

So i dont really blog as much anymore
Personal shit is outta the question
Just putting yourself on blast isnt coo

So now i just quote lyrics that i like
I dont think it will be anything more than that
Since i dont like to open myself to others anymore

Cant really think of any lyrics right now..
To be continued..

“Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will”

Caught up on your ex still, I can get you passed it.

It was really nothing at all.

Untitled

Hey there.. pretty girl.

Something

Falling too fast
Clearly rules don't apply.

This could be something.
Maybe its just nothing at all.

Second chance? We'll see how it turns out.

Wednesday

I dont really know what to say. Just been thinking alot of things out.
Doing my own things and keeping busy.

Well Eddy's gone for 2 weeks and idk who to hang out with now? Lol
Well these last couple days have been hot
Went to Santa Cruz yesterday with some people
and some people who I didnt wanna see
but its whatever.
I'm not going to attempt anything if YOU arent either.

Well on a lighter note, i got my first tattoo last friday
and boy did it hurt like a bitch
I got my grandmothers name in Chinese and
Now im waiting for the day to show her haha
Ive already been thinking about getting another one
Theyre lightweight addicting... Haha

Well I guess thats it for me.

Rev Run

You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy..

God is Love

-Rev Run

I dont think I could of said it better myself. I lost someone close to me but there's nothing I can do about it. I guess if I was someone special or important in their life then they would come and try to talk to me but I guess I'm not anymore. I just have to be strong about the whole situation and I'm trying my best. I believe I'm doing pretty good but I honestly dont know.. I think about you all the time but ehh.. I guess its going to be like last time.. Talk to you in 3 months...

The Calm

Women need attention therefore women will complain
Develop hatred for men and say you’re the one to blame

&


Dont ask permission
Just ask for forgiveness

-Aubrey Graham

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Back to square one.
And i dont really care at the moment.
Leaving it behind


Docto i know your gonna read this and say something to
me about it cuz you always have some kind of opinion
and when you do remember this..
"If you dont like my blog.. DONT read it fag!'
Haha

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Girl-friend;

1. a female partner in romantic relationship.

2. sweetheart, lover, partner, significant other

where you at?

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I learned the best type of reassurance is
no affection at all.

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Look leave me, leave me I can't fucking stand you
Wish I had the courage to say everything I planned to


-Aubrey Graham

Fathers Day

I know this is a couple days early but whatever.
Time to get a little more personal now;



Well I didnt have my father growing up. I am the middle child of three. So he left when my little sister was born around 1990. He didnt just leave us and never heard from him again.. But he left us for another family and I guess i have half-siblings that I have never met before. Every now and then he would come visit me and my brother and sister and try to take us out and buy us things. When I was about maybe 13 years old he only started coming around Christmas time and gave us all money and then he would tell us he would be back in a couple days, but he wouldnt show up.. It was like that for a couple years until he just stopped coming around.. He stopped coming around when I was about 16.

But the good thing is since he wasnt there, I still have plenty of uncles and also my grandfather around to look after me. My grandfather was basically that father-figure in my life. I grew up in a home with my older brother, little sister, mother, grandparents, and two uncles. All of them put some kind of effort to raise me into the person I am today. So for that I thank every single one of them.

So if you never had that father-figure in your life, be atleast thankful for the people that were around you when you were growing up.

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I dont know why i open my heart so easily to people. I guess its the fact that i wanna build something and then i open my heart hoping that the other person would do the same but thats not how it works nowadays. Everything has to be so complicating. Most girls nowadays believe that 'all guys are the same' because of bad past experiences so now they cant open themselves up to someone that could possibly sweep them off their feet. I mean they are in your past for a reason.

Sometimes its like what the point of you girls having a heart if your not gonna open it to anyone. Someone once asked me what makes me different from the rest. And to be honest, I couldnt say anything at all. If a girl has a negative mindset then its basically done and over with. Maybe if you stop letting your past get to you everytime a guy tries to come into your life, then maybe youll have something stable and solid.

"Open your heart and let your conscience be free" - ?

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You iritate me at times and you also annoy me at times
but that doesnt compare to the happiness
that you bring to me.

Monday.

So I'm going tomorrow to go back and talk to the recruiter again. I'm thinking i should just leave and just say fuck my birthday. Go away from everything that is wrong in my life. I'm not wanting to leave before of anything negative shit, i just wanna leave to get away. I wonder who would actually miss me if i left.. I really just wonder.

Somethings i dont understand. and i dont think i ever will.

Hm..

So ive been thinking about joining the National Guard again.. I dont consider myself as a failure or anything like that but i just feel like im almost 21 and i dont really have much to show. Alot of my friends go to UC's and are gonna be graduating from college soon and i know all of them are going to become very successful. I just dont wanna be one of those people who live at home until theyre like 30.

I want to do this for myself, but the only thing that is really holding me back is the feelings i have towards someone. I dont want to lose this person and how i feel towards them or how she may feel about me. She is someone very special to me and i care about her alot. She is someone i would like to build into something one day and hopefully she feels the same some day. I think i might just have this talk with her soon.

Update on my drinking.. its been a little more than a week, so i believe im doing pretty good. Not drinking until June 21st. Im not just doing this for someone but also for myself, and its nice to take a break from alcohol. Its funny being sober and watching how people act when theyre 'drunk' but yeah. Im gonna stick this one. I can do this.

Got a fat ass headache at the moment... hopefully goes away soon.

Once again.. no catchy lyric to end this. All good, i gotta update on my song lyrics anyways. Yee haha

Late Night Thoughts

So i really dont know what to say at the moment. I feel like i need to let out some steam or something but the words arent coming out. I'm in the dark in my room listening to music and its 230am and no one is on aim or no one worth talking to atleast.

When i listen to music i like to listen to it very carefully so i can understand the lyrics and try to see the message that they are trying to send. Many good lyricist out there at the moment. A couple of my favorites; Drake, Lil' Wayne, Kanye West, Jay-Z, Talib Kweli, Ne-Yo, just a few to name. All have different styles, and i know that most of you people have jumped on the Drake bandwagon and i can say it still gets annoying hearing some people sing his song from So Far Gone when they dont even know that he also has 2 other mixtapes out there. Yeah do your research.

Well.. life in the moment is ok.. Life could always be better. Couple good things and a couple bad things here and there. Got the family that im starting to feel comfortable around again, and my friends who are all wonderful people, and that someone special who leaves me speakless at times. I dont know what is gonna happen in these next couple of months but all i can really do is hope for the best and hope that everything comes out good. Have faith and also be positive.

"And he was just practice, he aint in your world you can take him out your atlas, girl you on fire can i be the one you match with"- Drizzy

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So i made a bet with someone saying that i wont drink for 3 weeks. This is mainly a personal thing so i really dont like it that my friends try to egg me on about not drinking. I didnt know it was the end of the world if i dont drink? I didnt know when i drink it made such a big impact on their lifes. I know it doesnt but hearing them just keep egging me on is already getting old and its only been a couple days.

We'll see how long this really goes for because i dont plan on drinking until June 21st. I may be bored sober somewhere with my friends but atleast i know im doing a good thing for myself and proving to someone that i can control my alcohol.


No catchy ending lyric tonight.

Drizzy

Learned to NEVER love a chick, just love the moment.





-Octobers Very Own

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So idk but i havent really been feeling this week at all... maybe its because i just recently got sick and i know that ruins alot of things and i also made a bet with someone, and they dont think i cant drink for 3 weeks so i will prove that person wrong, since she's never been proven wrong before.

NV last night was already, i think it would of been better for me if i wasnt sick and i could drink.. but whatever. Its not like i have to pay for these clubs haha so i aint really trippin.

Also ive found some things out and its just hard to just hard to realize and yeah. Just gonna see where it takes me.


"To the left , to the left.."- Weezy

Hitch

"....there's only one person that makes me feel like I'm flying and its.... you.."


=)

Thursday Afternoon

So i went to the gym with D. Cash yesterday and FML im hella sore today. Gabe picked me up cuz he was working at the Ballys by my house and i worked out a lil bit. Feels good but im fucken exhausted.

So im trying to better myself to show someone that i will not hurt them. We only live once, so why not take a chance? I told you already that i wasnt going to hurt you and that isnt my intention either. I wanna build this relationship we have into something more. Open your heart and let your conscience be free...

Well lifes going pretty good at the moment. I believe that drama has finally left my life for now.. and i hope it doesnt return. Drama = Bitchassness.

And Happy Birthday to Rock The Jay! Tomorrow is Rock The Bay's 3 Year Anniversary @ Illusions. Yee lets get ready to drink! Haha, thats it for now i guess dont really know what to write about at the moment so im gonna cut it short.


"And all the stupid things i do have absolutely no reflection on how i feel about you..." - Trey

Friday Morning

Went to Empire tonight and saw a couple things that just didnt look right... hmm.. but its really none of my business. Let people make their own mistakes and bad choices haha.

Anyways, i feel like my life is actually going good. The relationship with my mom is getting better day by day, and i actually said 'happy mothers day' and gave her a kiss in about... 4 years.. cant hold a grudge to the person who gave you life. I have good friends surrounding me and its good to just chill and play video games and bullshit at eddys house haha. I got 2 Boss ass nigga's that are good friends to me, its turning into more than a friendship now and thats a good thing because they are good people. They help me when im down and i appriciate everything they do for me. E2B haha these homo's theyre my boothangs and homies haha. Dont worry Brian someday youll beat me in 2K9 haha. I also have someone special in my mind and heart and i would really love to open my heart to her when she's ready to open her's to me. Im not trying to rush into anything but i know that she is something very special and ive told her that too. I may have forgotten some people but ill update later haha

So todays Friday.. what the hell am i gonna do tonight? Lol well i have no idea i might just go with Brian to his lil DJ gig at Abyss but idk we'll see how that goes.. Haha and then tomorrow BlackoutSF is gonna go invade Santa Cruz and its suppose to be a nice hot day so im juiced to chill with them. Yeee.

Well my internets not working at home but always feel free to aim me, ill always be on my phone and ill most likely always respond; toosoberto

"Double cup love, you the one i lean on" - Drizzy

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So i havent wrote a blog for aminute now so umm... heres one for those people who look at mine? Lol idk who looks on here haha.

So basically we had Blackout SF 1 Year @ NV last week and it was pretty crackin even without J. Holiday there, im sure it could of been better with him there but i wasnt complaining.

So im still looking for a job, i know the economy sucks balls at the moment but i still have faith that something will come up.

So this is what i am doing to lose weight now ; im beginning to run atleast once a day, doesnt matter the time or whatever but i wanna begin to run again. Im also gonna start lifting some weights to get some more muscle, and i also want to start eating a little more healther even though its hard when your grandma gives you like half a plate of rice with your dinner haha. My main goal is to lose about 15 pounds, but not in any time frame or anything thats just my goal in general.

I dont know what else to say right now so hit me up on aim cuz my internet isnt working but im still online on my phone at times; TOOSOBERTO .

Peaceee Eassyy.

Here We Go...

Its funny how you hear some things from the people who are suppose to be your friends and thats when you realize that maybe they really arent.

I blacked out last night and dont remember much, and i may have done some inappropriate things and im sorry for that. So now i really want to cut down on drinking and focus on more important things in my life.

There is alot of different things on my mind at the moment, and its hard to open up on here nowadays because every time i do it gets shot down and then people also judge what you write on here nowadays. I believe im trying too hard to get someone attention so im just going to really need to back off and hopefully have her come to me....

Im usually a happy person, but for some reason today is just a bad day or something. I can feel it idk what it is, but i feel it. I need to let go of all this negativity in my life and start bringing in positive things back. Focus back on school and working again. I mean i love going out and partying and having fun and whatnot but there just comes a point where you need to grow up and i believe that time is now for me.

"I just wanna be successful..." - Trey

Blame it on who? Blame it on Me.

I havent blogged for a minute now.

Thursday; Hello Cutie @ NV....FAIL. Next time ill be going there is for BlackoutSF's 1 Year Anniversary with J. Holiday in the building so hit me up for more details about that yo!

Friday; Uprising 1 Year Anniversary @ Mist....Fucken gay becuz there was hella GUYS there. Omg i swear me and Bradley were just sitting and watching more and more and more and more guys just come in by the minute. I could of sworn the guy-girl ratio was like 25:1. Horrible, well not too bad until about 1230am when i finally got my wristband and started drinking and drank up pretty quick and got drunk fast! Haha danced a little bit and yeah.

Saturday; Jubilee @ The Regency Mansion... TOOOOO sober that night. Probably like 700 ppl that came? Chilled on stage most of the time and just watched everyone dance. Wasnt really feeling it and wanted to leave around 1230am and didnt leave till about 345am. All good tho it was crackin if you were rollin or something haha.

Toooo much clubbing this week for me. Thinking about taking a break from it for a bit. So ive been thinking about this whole relationship thing with me and i know i dont NEED someone here to make me happy or any of that good stuff BUT it does feel good when someone feels the same way as you. I know its hard to find someone real in this fake world we have but i know somewhere and someday i will find that one person that will just take my breathe away. Until that day i will just wait for her to come into my life. Not telling you to hurry up or anything but give me a hint? Haha

"You SUCKDICK, i SUCCEED' - Weezy.

Dreams

So i woke up and didnt remember my dreams like usual haha

So i went back to sleep becuz it was about 9am haha so then i fell back asleep and had this very random dream about someone. Someone that i havent really gotten along with and i guess this dream is just a sign for me to try to patch things up and make things better.

So im in line with my brother and mom somewhere. Then like i believe someone disrespected my mom so then i got into the guys face becuz you dont do that to someones mom no matter who you are. So then right after i looked at my brother to think he was going to back me up but his bitch ass didnt and right before i was gonna throw a punch at the random guy i woke up....

Maybe its a sign.. idk time will only tell.

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I would just like to say, to you FAKE ass people that are so called my friends you guys are so full of shit. Nigga you make yourself awkward. Like its really come to the point where i dont even care anymore. I just think how funny it is. How i attempt to say wassup and you give me this ugly ass face. LIke if its really like that, then why do i bother? Becuz i believe that i am the bigger person in this situation. But now its come to the point where i dont care. I rather lose both your friendships.

Anyways to some good news, i couldnt sleep the other night so i was bored and was just looking around and applied to T-Mobile and yesterday afternoon i got a call back and my interview is later today! Juiced and nervous but i hope i get it. A jobs a job, and ive been looking for one for hella long and i need something positive to rock out this crazy life of mine. And it would be great to have money too haha.

Thats it for now. To be continue..

Here is my continued part..

So i went to my interview i think it went pretty good. i will be calling them tomorrow afternoon to follow up on my interview and hopefully i get something back from them. i didnt even celebrate 420 becuz i was scared if i get a call from them then ill have to do a drug test and all that good stuff haha. but whatever its nothing special not like i cant do that shit anytime ya know? haha

On to more serious business..
Random crazy ass Monday night. This is to a specific person and i say all of this in the nicest way possible.. You're fucken crazy. Blah blah blah is all i hear from you and you FINALLY wanna do all this shit now and try to be all tough and say i talked shit about you and that fag, nair i have better things to do then talk about yall. thats just a waste of time.. So whoever told you that whatever i dont really care anymore. If you think i did say something then sure whatever. Becuz your life these past couple of weeks have been full of drama and i already have enough of that in my life at the moment, so keep your gay shit to yourself and leave ME alone. That would be great and about your belongings, dont worry youll get them BUT if i even see your car on my block its all bad for you. Dont come to my house and try to disrespect me and my family becuz you dont know us like that.

Ohh and i finally get my webcam so let's vchat yall =)

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So i've been chillin with Eddy, Brian and Kryss alot lately. Just to try to clear my mind and homes whack because they hella have like church services here haha.

Being bored in my room sucks balls. I really miss my xbox 360.. and I wish I had a webcam haha.
So Eddy just got a new video camera and we'd just been hella messing with it and recording everything thats been happening haha. Our future channel on youtube is gonna be called 'E2B TV' haha. So look out for us? Lol.

So I had a talk with someone, and she basically helped me thing about some things. That when its awkward between two people, one of them is going to have to break the awkwardness and try to make things better. Well not like make things better so quick but try so that it wont be as awkward. I believe that I might be the person to try to fix things and just help the friendship out. I dont like not talking to her. We used to just talk about anything and it was so easy to just talk to her. Hopefully that can start up again soon.. And if not, then i can atleast say that I did try to rebuild our friendship.

"You can have my heart, or we can share it like the last slice" - Drizzy

So Far Gone

FML. Its almost 3am and i cant sleep at all.

I think my insomnia is coming back..

Alot on my mind but dont want to say anything. What do you do if its 3am and you cant sleep? Fuck it, ill blog haha.

Dont really know what to say right now or talk about. Havent done anything all day. Didnt go to HIN or the HIN after party. Not like i missed anything at HIN anyways, i can go to the club and look at half naked girls for free haha

When i really need to just chill and relax i just listen to music. Im not on the Drizzy hype because ive been listening to him before most of yall anyways. Yeah im pretty sure you havent even heard his first mixtape? Room For Improvement? Yuuupp.

Novemeber 18th. Listen to it. Makes me wanna go get lit. Very calm song for me.
Maybe ill try to sleep? Idk maybe take some nyquil or something to help me sleep. Fuck it.

Peace Eazzzyy.

wise words from a decent Man

Auto Response from Notarealsn21: Take the time to read this...

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

Continued..
So yes its very hard for me to trust any girl at this point in my life. Either every girl doesnt trust you nowadays and always thinks your like the 'rest of the guys' when they dont take the time to just trust you when they think your just going to break their heart. Maybe all girls are the same? Im not really trying to rush into anything but just to know that someone feels the same way about you is good. Feels nice that your wanted by someone else. This isnt out to anyone in particular, this is just in general. I always thought you should believe your heart instead of your mind. Im not some player trying to talk to hella girls or anything like that. When i have my mind set on someone that i truely care about then i really try to just focus on them and only them. But then its just so hard now. Just have to wait and see what the future holds for me and that person, whoever she is and where ever she is a the moment. Open your heart and put your pride aside because you never know what could happen between you and someone.

i thought this was the perfect song for this post;

Over And Over (Feat. Tim McGraw) - Nelly

Long Time Coming

I actually havent blogged in hella long. Well alot has happened since... like last thursday? So thats where i'll start;

Thursday Night; Went to NV and actually had hella fun. Havent danced like that in hella long. I was tipsy but it went away hella quick. And for all the negative shit that happened that night, whatever. Let it go because its not worth talking about at all. Had fun, had a couple drinks in me that didnt do shit. OH and the highlight of the night for me was when we were leaving and either the drinks finally hit or something and i hella turned on a street and i was going the wrong way haha =) lol

Friday Night; Hungs Party in San Jose. It was coo, got a lil tipsy until the end. It got shut down around.. 130amish but i went inside and drank some more jungle juice and then i think it finally hit me when we were on our way home haha. I had fun that night tooo =)

Saturday Night; Concord for a BBQ, killed 2 bottles before even going to Hayward. Remmy XO mmmmmhmmmmm. And also killed some Muekow. I think thats how you spell it. Chilled over there and ate and played some video games. My last shot in Concord was fucken Crown too. Well got to Hayward already hella drunk and drank some more. Had to be the DJ cuz Brians hella gay and doesnt have any music on his laptop. Well i had fun that night too from what i can remember. Haha

Blah blah blah lets skip to something exciting. Went to LA Wednesday night for Eddy's court date thingie and we ate at Rosco's and then left around 1230ish? I fell asleep till about 4 in the car because im sick but then i drove back from Patterson to home. Went to Abyss last night, and it was a coo night. Actually danced SOBER too. Yes i just stand there at times, its not because im TOO COOL or whatever its because im sober and i dont like dancing when im sober haha. But it was a good night, got home and fell asleep on the phone with her =)

So now idk what to talk about.. Go to Whisper tonight for Mr. Tonic SF's birthday bash!
Peace Eazy.

Hope

Is what i have.

"Hope gives us power to keep going in tough times. It has been said that a person can live 40 days without food, four days without water, 4 minutes without air, but only 4 seconds without hope." John C Maxwell

Break,,

my heart is breaking slowly..

i try, and try and try again.

i dont know what to do anymore...

i hope she understands my feelings are real.

Last Blog.

This is going to be my last blog for a while. No point on pouring my heart out there anymore. This one isnt going to be about happiness.

To; The Crazy Bitch,
I'm sorry your life fucken sucks that you have to try and make other peoples life horrible just like yours. Your so full of shit. Meeting you was the worst mistake in the world for me. You talk about 'change' but no one see's change. NO ONE. Like im sorry you cant just be happy for someone who is trying to find new happiness in his life. You cause too much fucken drama and when everything comes back to you i hope your ready to deal with the consequences.

To; Her,
Drama happens whether you like it not. Its just about letting it get to you. I'm not saying you're a weak person and you cant handle it, but maybe your past experiences ruined it for us. And also that stupid ass fucken person who is fucken crazy. Honestly, yes it hurt when you told me everything and said your done because of 1 stupid person. And now i cant do anything about it but hope for the best and hopefully your mind will change in the future. If not then, thank you for the happiness you brought into my life.

To; Everyone who heard the drama
I dont give a fuck whatchu heard. Believe whatever you want, just remember i wasnt the one who talked shit about anyone, who even brought up this whole shit. You know why? Because im bigger than that and i dont want to waste my time causing more drama into this world. So. if you're my friend and you believe her BULLSHIT then whatever. Then we shouldn't be friends because youve seen this out of her before.

PEACE.
NO BITCHASSNESS.

Untitled

When you believe you have found happiness in your life, something good, something special. Keep it with you as long as you can. Because you never know when it could just happen to leave.

You can receive happiness from everything. Even the littlest things can bring some sort of happiness into your life. When you're going through hard times, you always try to look at the bright side and believe that everything will be fine.

I'm hoping my happiness doesnt leave anytime soon. If it does happen to leave.. then we'll see what else happens. If my happiness stays and then ill keep it as long as possible. Lets hope for the best.

Sleepless Nights

They consist of me laying down in my bed, in the dark not doing anything. I try to sleep early, but most of the time it doesnt work. I turn off the tv because thats what is usually keeping me up because im bored and its something to do and watch when your bored.

Another thing i do during this late night insomnia is listen to music. I havent listened to every song on my iTunes, but i know one of these days i will. Usually some R&B at night so i can be sleepy.

My late night insomnia also consist of a lot of myspace. Idk like i check it as if someone is really on at 4am leaving me a comment or something haha.

So i've decided to really try to stay home alot more now. Well if i go out, come back home at night so i can sleep in my own room. I also even began running again. I'm starting to gain weight and i need to lose it and get back into shape because no one likes a fat ass. Well maybe one person, and thats why i like her =).

Dont really know what else to say right now, so i guess ill just end it.

For that special someone of mine;

Wait For You - Elliot Yamin

Still On My Mind

Yes she is still on my mind. She knows who she is. I know that it is hard for us to see each other since she is across the bridge and all. The only times i really get to see her is at clubs. I'm sure alot of people believe that having interest in someone in the whole 'club scene' is bad and blah blah blah. But i see more than that in her.

I believe that she is something different. I believe that it's not what others say or do. Its really what YOU and the person your interested in say to one another. Don't let other try to bring their negative thoughts into the relationship that you are trying to build with them.

She makes me happy. I love being around her. I know i can be myself around her and we can talk about anything and everything for hours. I would still remember our random insomnia talks till about 3am. Just talking about anything that would come to mind.

I hope she see's that I'm different. I hope i get another chance.

Done

Happiness always comes to and end. Always have a postive mindset and have faith in what you believe in.

I thought i had happiness in my life again, but i guess i was wrong. Now im back to square one.

Sure it hurt, and it still does. Yes i still think about her. Does she still think of me? I couldnt answer that for you. You would have to ask her for yourself.

But i need to move forward and leave the past in the past.

'The past is called the past for a reason, the future is called that because its unknown, and the present is called that because it truly is a gift' or something like that. Lol

Think

So much shit going through my mind.

I have someone new on my mind. shes sweet, cute, easy to talk to and way more than i could ask for. she also has her little party side haha.

but she said alot of many different things to me. just had me thinking alot to myself and im not really sure if i should even say anything on here. well honestly all i have to say about that situation is that dont let your past ruin the present time or even what maybe your future.

Dont know what else to say.

"you want to think of today, as the past" - Drizzy

TGIF

TGIF!

Well it doesnt really matter to me because i dont have school or a job so everyday is the weekend to me haha. Hmm... had a Wasted Wednesdays here at Brahyans house haha. Helllla zooooted and hellllla drunk haha, i even yacked and i dont remembre the last time i did. They also told me i looked hella pale right after =/ i need to start eating good again.

Thursday Night-Abyss
I was suprised by Sunshine =) she told me she was going to Glaskat. Really made my night. Had a very good time with her. It was a good night even though i was sober and someone wasnt haha. Dancing with her and holding her tight and getting those litto kisses from her really made my night. And i know she broke me off more than once haha. Stupid Brian and them hella trying to cheer me on lol and omg haha. Maybe if im drunk i can keep up? Lol

Well im waiting for Taken to start again. I hella didnt realize that light was coming out until i had to go pee haha. So im gonna cut this short because i think the time thing is over haha.

Imy Sunshine =)

Sunny Dayz

Alot of different things have been going on in my life. I know that i need to get my life together. Im doing my best to look for a job but the economy these days is fucked and hella shitty.

I plan on going back to school this upcoming Fall semester. I really want to attend the Culinary Arts in SF but thats wayyy too expensive at the moment for me. The cheapest i seen was maybe $35,000? And thats the cheapest!? Well maybe someday ill be going there.

I really feel like cooking right now? Idk why haha. I know alot of people believe that cooking is for women and the woman is suppose to be cooking but nowadays you see alot of guys cooking on TV too.

Well today is most likely gonna be just another day. Nothing too exciting because its Wednesday and there isnt anything exciting about a Wednesday lol.

Well thats it for now.

P.S. Sunshine =)

I Stayed Home Today?

Yeah i know.. WEIRD! Haha but whatever i guess. Felt good to just be at home and chill and not waste money that i dont have haha.

Watched alot of tv today but thats what people do when your at home. AIMing it up with a few people. Nothing really exciting happened to me today. I ate alot? Haha but whatever its home cooked meals and i love those.

Hopefully tomorrow i can do something productive and actually clean my room cuz its a HOT mess.

Umm... So yesterday went to Great Mall and copped 2 new hats. Woo Hoo! haha jk and ummm came back to Brahyans and drank a little bit (not an alcoholic) lol and hookahed our last bowl. Whack.

Uhhh...Dont know what else to say so. Peace easy.

Oh yeah and Happy Birthday Connie! =)

I Give Up

I'm sorry ive been wasting your time.

Not much i can really say. So im going to end it here.

i dont know what to name this blog? Haha

Woke up early again this morning!? I know wtf is wrong with me right? Haha well whatever, nothing better than getting an early start right? Haha

Well i went home to go shower because Kristina wanted to go on a road trip. So i went home and no one was home.. Idk well i took my shower and then, i walked into my sisters room. I seen a couple weeks back that she was accepted to California State University, Los Angeles. So i went in again this morning and saw two more acceptance letters. One from San Diego State and one from UC Riverside. Well the first thing that came into my head was that im so proud of her. She's finally a senior in high school and she did what she had to do to get accepted into good colleges. So i wish her the very best in which ever college she decides to attend.

Well that also had me thinking like 'damn i wish i was still in school' and i also wished i would of worked harder in school and been accepted into some good colleges. I know i wasnt the smartest or whatever in high school but i know now that i should of done my work and did more to get into the good colleges.

Well everyone has problems within themselves and within their homes and beyond. I dont come from the richest family in the world or anything like that but neither am i poor where me and my family are like starving at home. Theres only three people in my house that work in a house of six. One of them is my older brother, whoom i dislike very much because he believes hes right all the time and he wastes his income in alcohol and video games. Thats not the life to live. He decided to join the Marines right after high school because he didnt want to attend college and thought that was a waste of time. Well... hes 22 and still lives at home and works at FedEx. That doesnt really sound like an 'American Dream' to me.

The next person who works is my younger sister. Out of anyone in my family, i am very proud of her. I know she has done alot to get to where she is. She works, has track practice and still has time to do hw. So i tip my hat to her and her success.

The last person is my mother. Me and her really havent had such a good relationship since the summer of my junior year of high school. We have gotten into many arguments and we still currently do not speak to one another.

Well where this is going is money doesnt buy happyness and yes i spelled it like the movie haha. My family loves one another equally even if they dont show it at times. Well i think with everything that everyone is going through. You should always look at the postive things that you have in your life. Dont worry about how much your getting paid at your current job. Everything happens for a reason. Be grateful for what you have in your life and im starting to become more and more grateful for what i have in my life. So thank you to my friends and family. I love you all.

Well i have two options in mind for my future. One is going back to school and actually instead of going back to Chabot, was going to the Culinary Arts in SF. Ive always really enjoyed cooking and i believe its more than a passion for me. My other option that i believe that i have is joining the Army National Guard. I thought about joining a couple of months ago but i guess i just lost contact with the recruiting officer and yeah.

Well anyways i went to San Luis Obispo with Kristina today and i was driving the whole time, and now im really starting to hate driving to places that are hella far haha. I told Cece i should invent like a car that you just tell them where you want to go and they just take you there without you driving yourself. Haha idk? Its an idea? Lol well we had dinner there at "Firestone" and met up with her friends so she could catch up with them. 3 1/2 hours there and back. I hate sitting in the car for that long. But thank God they invented cruise control or id be more exhausted at the moment lol.

So like my good friend Gabe says 'actions speak louder than words'
Dont say your going to do something and dont do it in the end. Where will i be in 5 years? I dont know. And like i said in one of my earlier blogs..I dont usually ask people for help but i sure could use some right about now..

Tuesday Feb. 24th, 2009

So about my day..

For some odd reason, i woke up early. Well early to some people is like 6am or whatever, well i woke up at 10am. I usually sleep in till about..1 or 2pm. Just because i dont go to school or dont have a job at the current moment. Once i woke up Brahyan instantly asks me if i want to hookah haha and of course we do. I mean why not use it if you bought it right? Haha

Well i was on aim and talking to Mandy and i guess she had a 2 hour break till her next class so she came over to Brahyan's heez and she brought me some pretzels (hella good) haha so Thank You =)
and she keeps telling me how shes in love with Ant(Mr. Tonic) yeah yeah yeah whatever haha all the girls like him.

Well i finally went home after a couple days and it felt good to shower in my own house haha. I think the best part of today was just chillin at home and my grandma making me a sandwich for lunch =) i was talking to Cece and i told her for some reason it tasted just a little bit better than usual and she said because she made it with lots of love haha. that had to be the cutest thing i ever heard but maybe cuz it was made with lots of love? haha

So i finally seen Gabriel Abastillas haha, havent seen him since me and Kristina visited him and Leona and my new niece Kaitlyn Marie. Yeah this guy, i have so much respect for him. Not just because he has a daughter now, but because of all of the struggles he has gone through. I can honestly say he is my best friend, i love him like he was my own brother. But yeah anyways we went to walmart so he could get a new headlight light for his car lol. Then he dropped me off at Brahyans and then like an hour later we hung out some more.

We went to go eat at Best Burger because our friend Mandy works there and thank God, we got there in time to get some free food haha. I just ordered a jr cheeseburger because i was gonna eat some more later on and wanted to save some of my appetite. Also during that time i was texting Cece because she was bored in class. How do you really have class from 7pm-10pm!? Thats crazy and toooo long for me. I mean i hate night classes already, i couldnt just sit on my ass for 3 hours not doing anything lol.

Finally said my goodbye to Gabe and went back to Brahyans because Eddy bought pizza for everyone. It turned out to be a very chill night. Just talking with everyone and having everyones good company can never ruin a night. Then Aj and Devin came out and we hookah'd for a little bit.

Soooooo right before they left, i was on iminlikewithyou.com and playing this drawing game with hung,cece, and kristen AND aj and devin were still here so they were helping me during the whole time i was playing so HA to all 3 of them hahaha. They didnt know so yeee! lol

Haha so yeah heres a picture of my friend Cece because she is the one who is always telling me to blog when i dont even know what to blog about.



Its our only picture together at the moment but whatever haha. I hella didnt even know she did the 'oh shaww' thing until i saw the picture. Geese on me haha

Well i think thats a wrap for me. Peeeacceee

Sooner Than Later

Its just one of those nights where i dont know what to really write about.

Well a couple of months ago, i came across a Drake song. 'Sooner Than Later' and to be honest to really reminded me of my ex-girlfriend.. Just makes me think about everything i did wrong in the relationship and more. It was just a song that had me thinking. Like to be honest i do miss her. I have nothing to lie about with that. She was my first true/real love. Like we dont talk anymore but i still love and care for her. Shes always going to be someone i will care about even tho she is not in my life anymore.

heres the song btw.

Sooner Than Later - Drake

So today i was thinking to myself, that im really wasting my time right now. I dont have a job, and i dont go to school. FUCK im just wasting my life right now. I dont do shit everyday. I know people are telling me to go back to school and go look for a job but looking for a job is not as easy as it sounds and for going back to school, i dont have money to go back and for everyone who told me to do financial aid, i fucked up in my 2nd semester of college and now i need to go back and complete 12 units before qualifying for it.

FML is basically on my mind at the moment =/

Im not really the type to ask for help..but someone please help me..

Bored

Here at Brahyans house. currently watching 'Pimp Chronicles Pt. 1' haha yeah. its on tv but hella censored shit and blah blah. whatever lol

Last night we had a lil kick it at his house. Omg, i hate heem now. its really starting to taste nasty and gross to me now. idk how much more i can drink with that. well yeah i got drunk off of that and played beer pong and sucked terrible. haha maybe cuz i was drunk already? haha well yeah hella random ppl came through and we have our own lil hookah bar in here now haha. should come by and try it =) haha. yeah i was hella drunk and drank alot. BUT i didnt yack! woo! haha

well im only blogging right now because SOMEONE said to becuase shes bored and wanted me to update this haha. I dont think this is enough for her to read so im just gonna type random shit now haha

ummmmm.......

Oh and i told cece that i would meet her half way last night haha. idk? i told her i would bring her to church the next day too haha. i drink too much =( NAHHHHHH!! lol

well...i guess thats all for now? haha AIM me if you see me online becuz i get bored alot =) 'toosoberto'

Just one of those nights..

Ive had my mind on alot of things these past few weeks. with girls, home, friends, babies(kaitlyn marie =]) and many different things.

So last thursday night/friday morning i stayed up until about 3am to wait for Drakes "So Far Gone" mixtape and it didnt even come out till about 930am haha but whatever. it was well worth the wait. If you havent listened to it, then you should. I believe that his music is way different than many artists out right now. He doesnt rap or sing about being a thug or how hard his life was when he was little. Every artist has a message to send out to everyone and im still trying to figure out his message. Hopefully ill get it soon.

Well im back at home now. At my grandma's house. It isnt as bad as i thought it was going to be. Its still different because i havent been there for a long time. But recently i havent really been sleeping at home but when i do, im very thankful that im back home. Its good to wake up and my grandma ask me if im hungry haha and plus its all FREE =)

Girls, Girls, Girls... Girls i do adore... Its hard to find someone out there that is perfect for you. Im sorry but i still dont think i have found that person. Tonight made me think and i kinda wanna go back to being celibent (meaning no sex till marriage) or atleast with someone that i believe that im going to spend the rest of my life with. I know im still young and i have a long time before im actually gonna get married. Im still confused with all these feelings i have inside of me. Its hard to really just spill out how i feel towards someone. I did once and now that person is currently with someone else. A setback, so its really hard for me to express how i feel. I usually hide it all inside because im scared of not commitment but of rejection. Everyone goes through rejection sometime in their life but it just comes to a point where you can only be rejected so many times before you realize you dont wanna open up to anyone. I might be coming up to that point.

"music take me away...'

Arguments

ive been arguing with this girl for a couple weeks now.. idk its starting to break us apart. im not sure how much more i can take..

every night, we argue about something so stupid. ive asked people for advice and they believe we spend too much time together and im starting to believe that, that might be it. we need time apart to see how much we actually need each other. in my mind ive thought like 'if we keep arguing like this, then maybe its really not meant to be'.

so she also believes that taking time apart from each other will tear us apart and i will find someone new? do you really believe that taking a day or two away from each other will have me wanting some other random girl?

she also has this problem of getting jealous when we are out, especially at night clubs where we spend our weekends at. once i dance with someone that she doesnt like or know then she gets upset with me and i know when she is becuz she will ignore me and then be frustrated on the ride back home. like really its a club and im not there to just stand and watch everyone else dance. if she doesnt want to dance then thats her but if im there i wanna dance whether im sober or not.

im not really sure what to think anymore...

Another Sleepless Night

Here i am again. not sleeping early. i do miss it tho. haha well shit, lets see what has happened lately..

Well Happy New Year to everyone. Everyone is saying that '2009' is their year and blah blah and this and that haha sorry, not trying to geese or talk shit but yeah. we'll see how this year ends and if this year is really yours. well of course like everyone else i wanna make this year better than last year and i have alot of things that happened last year that shouldnt of and i made alot of mistakes and i hope not to make the same ones this year.

And now i dont know what else to write about. just listening to some music. right now im really listening to some Drake. an artist from Toronto. yeah i know toronto right? haha but yeah hes actually pretty good and yeah. he reminds me a little bit of lil wayne becuz of the punch lines haha. so if you got a chance go keep him out.

so im still on the hunt for a job. nothing has came up but im still staying postive and hoping something will come up. theres only so much you can do but yeah.

Now this is completely out of no where but yeah, here it goes. i have someone very special in my life right now. she knows who she is. i dont need to say her name becuz im sure everyone knows already. i made a mistake last year but we all need to learn from them. and to the other person i guess i had an 'infacuation' with im sorry and well idk. dont really know what to say to you. not much i can say. well anyways, my boo makes me happy and technically im still single but im not. i know she gets mad when i say i am =) haha but yeah. she knows im just joking around. well im gonna try to sleep now and im gonna leave you with this one line

"If I was in a room and someone yelled out 'hey bitches' I would not turn around because i dont fit the description" Ha!